last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My dad just said "fuck circus"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
