We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
