for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
