before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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