i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
