Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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