she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
