How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
