bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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