that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
