oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
