too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
