the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
