Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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