Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
