so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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