i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
