just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
