I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
