Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
