problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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