Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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