but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
