I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize