she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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