I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
