Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
