My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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