I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so let's talk penis.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
