yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
