You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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