C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
