how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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