Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
