we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My balls are so social today.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
