.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
