I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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