Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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