She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
