first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
