1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
