I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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