I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
