I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
