wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
