ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
