I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
