I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
