So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
