my sisters under your porch take her home
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
