I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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