He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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