I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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