Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
