Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
