Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
