All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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