i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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