i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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