will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
