bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
