I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
