Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
