Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
